The Importance of Promise

Promise means to commit oneself by a pledge to do or give. Fulfiling a promise is the most positive and greatest quality of a person. There is nothing comparable to it. According to the Islamic teaching, promise is not simply part of social ethics, it is a responsible pledge for which man is accountable before God. The Quran says: “Keep your promises. You will be called to account before God for every promise which you have made.” (17:34). In another verse the Quran says: “O you who believe! why do you say that which you do not do? Grievously odious is it in the sight of God that you say that which you do not.” (61:3)

To not fulfil a promise is a very wrong habit. It bears serious consequences for a man. To break a promise may ruin the whole personality of a human being. This habit and Spirituality cannot coexist. If one makes promises and fails to fulfil them, then this habit may lead to nonexistence of all positive qualities. In social life a person possessing this habit loses his credibility. He will not be regarded as having a predictable character, which is the greatest social value of a person. Keeping promises is one's social identity. A person who loses this social identity will lose his social status.

The greatest danger of this habit is that such a person will be presented before God on the Day of Judgement and will be asked by Him: 'Why did you fail to fulfil the promise after having pledged it?' It means that this habit has grave consequences, because a person of this kind takes the risk of being disgraced in the eyes of God. Without doubt there is no loss greater than this.

Steps To Reframe Your Life

There’s a point in life where you become fully aware of your own nature, and its faults . But changing habits isn't easy; you’ve been who you have been for decades. And there’s no need to change the core, but a few necessary steps may be inevitable if you’ve realised that certain things are holding you back from realising your full potential as a professional , and your capacity to lead a happy life . How do you go about it ?

Like every story in this world , it begins with pen and paper (or in my case its laptop ). Write down your life story , Visualise the future, and start editing all the things pulling you down. According to psychologist, and the professor of human behaviour , Dan McAdams , all of us have a set narrative scripts that we follow to predict , evaluate , respond and control our lives. And through it becomes difficult to change this narrative , at times , it’s the only way to see a better future. 

It’s difficult to jump from an idea to execution. But when your thoughts have been penned, turning them into action gets easier . It helps you gain a clear perspective of where your life is moving . If you are going through a crisis , focus on post-trauma growth. Know your patterns, choose the words and emotions that give you happiness. Break negative interactions.

Rewriting your present give you a sense of control of your life. Try telling your present story to strangers , watch their relations, take notes , Transcend painful setbacks and reshape your own story . You can’t change what happened in your life , but you can choose the person you want to be , despite your negative experiences.

Learning - " The Way of Life"

Alright, it’s bit weird that I was almost half sleep ,and it's been hardly 30 mins and here I am , couldn't stop myself from writing this blog . I have no clue where it all this started 30 mins before. I am still trying hard to figure out that one single word or the incident that made me sacrifice my sleep nearly at 3:30 AM . Now the reason i took my laptop out is the topic . I believe it all started when my girl started talking about kids , because while having the dinner I was watching a BBC Documentary on TWINS Sister’s. And lately I started thinking about my childhood , how I was ? the difficulties I had tackling various situations and holding up to the schools and the subjects taught . Rather the documentary is completely irrelevant to my topic, but’s that where all this started as far as I can collect.

Now in this century the education system has changed a lot. Back in 90’s the best source of knowledge were books, more you read , more you are likely to know off. And when I look at the kids around me , they seems to be more technically sound and smart . I remember myself getting down in a battle of conversation with a teenage boy about mobile and computing device . And to much of my amaze that little kid was way ahead of what I was at his age. 

With time , the way we learnt has change a lot. Completely from flip charts and posters to most of the digitised content . Rather more appropriately not most , but EVERYTHING . 

I had a great opportunity to work with Mr. Shishir Gupta (Gyanantar Tech Life Solutions Pvt. Ltd. ) who was also my mentor while I was working with the organisation. So ,before getting deeper into my topic I would like to give a brief INTRO what I actually did at Gyanantar. It was my final year of degree, when I got in touch with this organization, as I was looking for some sort of work where I can get paid . This organization's main motive is to bring changes to our today's methodology of teaching at schools by moral , ethical and social ways blending them all together with proven scientific methodologies . At the initial stage I was delivering keynotes and was helping Mr. Gupta with workshops and Seminars at different schools and colleges. And later I was training new interns . Overall it was a Fun job. 

I  still remember my first meet with him at his house . I was tying my best to be best. But as it said, “A true eye catches every single details” . I still have a habit of mine, moreover it’s but obvious natural that my hands keeps fiddling around with almost anything. As I recollect while he was talking about the organisation and its role , I was busy playing with the pen in one hand and mobile with the other. If there would be anyone else at his position he or she would have definitely interrupted in between. I never knew these things until he spoke about me while addressing to the new INTERN’s. And in his context I was one of the good examples of kinesthetic learner. Some of you must be familiar with the word, but most of you won't be, so was’t  I til I met him. To me there were only and typically two types of learners, one who Understands everything and the other who mugs up everything. And I considered myself an exception, because i was neither of them. And that's the reason why i had tough time at school. My parents though i had this rebellious nature toward studies , more relevantly behavioural issue. But some how i managed to pass school's ( LUCKY ME). And all these question about my difficulties with learning where unanswered till i met him .

For sure this article will help most of you to understand the kid’s and the best way to teach and engage with them, So that the content can be fed to them in more productive and fun way , the way they wanted it to be. 

Alright , technically there are four types of learners, but relevantly and theoretically it can very depending upon the learning styles with varying individuals . 

So the four types which i most prefer to address are  :

1. Visual learners ,

2. Auditory learners,

3. Read-write learners, and 

4. Kinesthetic learners.

Firstly , let me talk about the visual learner . Visual learners learn best by looking at graphics, watching a demonstration, or reading. For them, it’s easy to look at charts and graphs, but they may have difficulty focusing while listening to an explanation. More they see , more they learn.

Visual learners are characterised by the following:

❙ They tend to be fast talkers.

❙ They exhibit impatience and have a tendency to interrupt.

❙ They use words and phrases that evoke visual images.

❙ They learn by seeing and visualising.

The teaching strategy for visual learners should include the use of demonstrations and visually pleasing materials, and you should make an effort to paint mental pictures for learners.You might have came across few kids who are very good in making stories. They have the power of taking you to an unimaginable place with there stories . 

Secondly, the auditory learners. Auditory learners would rather listen to things being explained than read about them. Reciting information out loud and having music in the background may be a common study method. 

Auditory learners are characterised by the following:

❙ They speak slowly and tend to be natural listeners.

❙ They think in a linear manner.

❙ They prefer to have things explained to them verbally rather than to read written information.

❙ They learn by listening and verbalising.

The teaching strategy for auditory learners should sound good and should be planned and delivered in the form of an organised conversation.

Read-write learners are characterised by the following:

❙ They prefer for information to be displayed in writing, such as lists of ideas.

❙ They emphasise text-based input and output.

❙ They enjoy reading and writing in all forms.

The teaching strategy for read-write learners should include writing out key words in list form. The learners will learn by silently reading or rewriting their notes repeatedly; writing out in their own words the ideas and principles that were taught or discussed; organising any diagrams,graphs, other visual depictions into statements (e.g., “The trend is . . . ”); and putting reactions, actions, diagrams, charts, and flowcharts into words. They like multiple-choice tests.

And last the Kinesthetic Learners. Kinesthetic learners process information best through a “hands-on” experience. Actually doing an activity can be the easiest way for them to learn. Sitting still while studying may be difficult, but writing things down makes it easier to understand.

Kinesthetic learners are characterised by the following:

❙ They talk thoughtfully.

❙ They are keen observers.

❙ They use all their senses to engage in learning.

❙ They learn by doing and solving real-life problems.

❙ They like hands-on approaches to things and learn through trial and error.

The teaching strategy for kinesthetic learners should include hands-on demonstrations and case examples to be discussed and solved.

I am a Kinesthetic learners. And since the day I got to know about my learning style, I got all the answers to every lasting pile of questions. Now when I am more aware of what suits my way of learning and what are all the best ways possible to feed my brain , my work around has become lot more easier. It has also helped me in helping the kids around me in figuring out what type of learners they are and by helping their parents in order to understand the best possible way they can feed their kids . 

I hope this article will help many of you in order to understand the behaviour of your kids, or the one around you . Every good change has to start with us. “ Earlier ,the better”. Help a child to ripe most out of him .

This blog is dedicated to Mr. Shishir Gupta , with whom I learned a lot. Every day was a new lesson learnt . My crazy talks with you for endless hours are unforgettable . Thank you for helping me in order to find out what my true potential is and what am I capable of . Thank you for motivating and inspiring me . Thank you for letting me be the part of all your work. Thank you for lending your valuable time just to listen to my craziest thoughts. I am still looking forward to the official proposal to be a part of your work. And for sure I am gonna keep my words that I will wear a yellow shirt with a red tie of white polka dots on it. 

If any of you are looking for more INFO you can visit his website http://www.gyanantar.com/

And If you are interested in watching the BBC Documentary on Twins Sister’s , please check out this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxPQat074KM

MONEY

Lately at the office while having conversation with one of my colleague , I bumped into an random word “ MONEY” . while referring to the word I mean what are the easiest ways of making money (LEGALLY ). In INDIA , majority of people wants to have such a job where there is very minimal work pressure or not at all. And that is only possible by getting in to any of the GOVERNMENT sectors.

After having an odd talk for 15 mins while sipping the coffee as it was invaded by other colleague, my mind was stuck at the same topic “ MONEY ”. Every mind posses a different ideology towards this very powerful  tool.  The reason I choose to call money a powerful tool is because of  its constructive nature. But most importantly the tools which can build can also demolish nearly anything  right from simple relationship to any nation.

Most of you must have read or heard these lines:

MONEY can buy you bed but not sleep.

MONEY can buy you friends but not friendship.

I don’t completely agree , rather I have my own take on it. Till your basic needs and desires are getting fulfilled MONEY will never be your priority. And for sure in this era life is nearly impossible without money.  Now here comes the most interesting part , while I was going through some random handsome payers in the market in terms of payouts , my eyes fall for an article. In India a beggar on average makes Rs.1000/- a day. That is nearly Rs.30, 000/- a month and over that they don’t have to pay any taxes, as well as all the benefits under the government schemes. That’s astonishing .

Now with the above context one thing is very clear , in order to have all the luxury in your life you don't have to be necessarily literate. Here in Bangalore , a man who is a barber has 30 INOVA cars, and if you wonder , he also owns a royal’s royce , 3 BMW and same number of jaguars to his fleet. He also owns a villa at one of the posh localities in b’lore. And he still cuts hairs.

Before getting into my profession , i never worried much about money. I still remember my interview for the company i am working for . One of the Managers asked me,” How much am i expecting from the company? “ And very proudly i gave the reply, Money is not my priority , but my job role with work satisfaction is.And here i am writing about the same matter . Exactly after a year , my thought for this very powerful tool has bit bend. Now all i see in myself is fulfilling my needs . If there is any thing in this whole world i am most scared of , thats  MONEY. I have seen best buddies becoming worst enemies .

One quote which is firmly stick in my head is , Never let money come in between you and your beloved or bestie , the day it happens that will be the worst nightmare. And most worst part is , this damage can never be repaired.

This tool has to be used very wisely , and I am still an amateur who is learning how to use it.

PROCASTINATION 

 It’s almost a year when i wrote my last blog . A lot changed in past, many of good , few of bad. But i believe that's how the life goes on. In last one year there are  many good moments which i cherish . I am blessed and surrounded with fabulous people , those who constantly inspire and motivate medirectly or indirectly.

Last year in AUGUST I came across few bloggers through Google plus one of the social networking giant . That was the time when i was utterly low with self-confidence and was hardly left with enthusiasm to do anything in my life. As i was wandering around the social networking site to pull myself up, I came across few of the lovely people on blogger, those who were sharing their thoughts . Every time I read someone's blog , it gave me a pump of adrenaline rush in my body. I am quite not sure whether to mention there name , but they really taught me a lot .

I sincerely want to give credit to all of them , because of them i am again pulling myself up to this. And this blog post wouldn't be possible without them.

There has been lot going within me from a very long time , but lately when i look back i find everything scattered here and there. Things are still at the same place where they were last year and last to last year and i don't know since when. Many of you must be thinking , how nasty i am ? And the answer is YES i am.. First of all i would like to clear up few thing , I am talking about my work, ideas and thought not the stuffs lying here and there in my house. And i am sure many would have thought about the later one, never mind.  

I have been thinking a lot over many thing to start and turn it into a reality , but all i see is “NOTHING”. Yesterday i was going through one of my online blogger friends recent blog which was about not writing for an month . And suddenly I found myself drowned in a big question “ IF not now, WHEN???” 

And this thought haven't let me sleep for the whole night . And i believe I have the answer , “ IT’s NOW “.

Believing in self and all of your motivation and inspiration i will write again . Not just for the sake of writing , but to reach out to people and share the wisdom and thoughts .

Someone has said it very profoundly “ Keep moving even when low, you never know how many you are INSPIRING.”

Forgiveness : way to happiness.

Hurt is in the normal flow of life. Events, circumstances, and behaviours are its cause. In normal human interactions, there are times when we get hurt and there are times when we cause hurt. To hurt and be hurt is human. Hurt is the pain of life. The grief of life.

Our actions in this world have motivations. These motivations carry the baggage of expectations. It is these expectations that are the cause of pain, the cause of sorry, the cause of hurt and grief. We expect to receive something. When we do not get it, we feel hurt.Sometimes we are the recipient of hurt. Sometimes we are the cause of hurt caused to others. The more hurt we cause to others, the more we will be punished with hurt in the future. This is karma. This is justice.Sometimes it is in the depth of emotional hurt that we find our true ourselves. We find the people who really matter. We find the values that matter. Deep pain causes melancholy and leads to a reflective state. We reach within our depths to find a solution to our suffering. There are two types of possible reactions to hurt. Two possible solutions. The first solution permanently solves the pain and suffering. The second solution leads to a further increase of the problem.

The first solution or reaction is called forgiveness. The second possible reaction is called revenge.

When we forgive and ask for forgiveness, we broaden our humanity. Our hurt melts in the breadth of our forgiveness. When we forgive, we elevate our spirituality. We rise above the cause. The cause seems to small. We suddenly our standing like a giant with our forgiveness. There is a precondition to be able to act in this grand way. First, we have to drop our pride and ego. Once we can do that with ease, forgiveness comes easy. Hurt becomes only a distant memory.

But there is a second way of reaction to hurt, a reaction which is more popularly practised, termed as revenge. When we are hurt, we suddenly realise that our pride and high status must be defended and protected. We become protectors of our pride. We build a fabled wall of invincibility around us. We try to live upto our invincible image. The protection of pride and ego is the chief reason why people resort to revenge. Revenge is a losing game. Your hurt will only increase. The more the revenge, the more the hurt. You will be pulled into a destructive, emotional whirlpool. Beware !

I have analysed hurt, the cause of hurt, and the possible solutions. This simple analysis has depth of meaning and wisdom. In its practise lies the keys of happiness.

Gift of being you

The human part of you is always seeking, questioning and aspiring. It wants proof to believe in something. This body-mind is conditioned to compare, be logical and reach for understanding. It is never certain about anything. Yet, thinks it wants to own, possess and accumulate, always needs more.  It also reacts emotionally based on a sense of perceived events in limited space and time. Human function stems from fear.

Notice what happens as you track fear back to its source.  It loses power.  Notice what happens as you begin to recognize beliefs are only beliefs, and that anything only ever takes on the meaning and value you give it.  Suddenly, you are awakening in ways that tell you the external world no longer controls your attention. Notice every angry person you encounter is a priceless gift. Each one invites you to snap out of a trance.

As you begin to sense the awareness that is, the quality of existing shifts.  Time loses significance. Duality is irrelevant. Everyone and everything you see is a reflection of yourself inviting you to recognize the same message.  Listen closely to the heart.  It knows what exists right now in this moment.  The gift of who you are is self aware, self-recognizing.  Everything you are taught about your-Self falls away. Silence tells all.

Why be afraid of failure?

We are slowly becoming a global colony of frightened shadows. We are petrified of failure; terrified at plunging down the social-financial-emotional-mental graph; paranoid at being judged, mocked or worse be called a ‘loser’. We have become obsessed at winning, consumed by the need that all should end well and that everything should be the way we have planned it to be.

 

 

Sure, such thinking is natural and normal.

 

 

The problem is, when one becomes obsessed with the weighing scale of success and failure, happiness and sorrow, fulfilment and void, and thus you don’t venture forth to pursue your dreams. With such an attitude, you already have botched up; you have not given yourself a chance to live life at your terms.

 

 

So many who come for channelling and counselling, refrain from venturing into a relationship, business, work, passion not because they don’t want to, but because ‘what if this doesn’t work out’.

 

 

They might love somebody and be loved in return, but because of the nut cracker of a chance of things not going as planned, and ‘what if I land up with my heart broken’, so many don’t give themselves a shot to happiness.

 

 

Or one might not follow his or her passion and dream, because ‘it is not regular and secure’ and the chance of failure could be a little more than if one followed the herd and played safe.

 

 

So life becomes a compromise and once you compromise for one thing, in all probability you will either begin to compromise on most things or become aggressive and bitter about all things.

 

 

So the fear of the relationship going wrong or whatever dream not fructifying, doesn’t allow them to even give it a chance in the first place to succeed. You already have failed then.

 

 

The question to ask is, so what if my heart breaks over a relationship or life in general or the business venture or whatever one is passionate about? So bloody what if one doesn’t succeed?

 

 

Why should that stop you or me from giving it hundred per cent and leaving the rest to Providence and one’s Master. Yes, you need to be wise, careful, practical, but if the only reason one doesn’t venture is the fear of failing, then something is terribly wrong.

 

 

Why are we so obsessed about the destination that we have forgotten the joy of travelling and the very journey itself.

 

 

Why are we so preoccupied in not failing that we have virtually stopped trying and thus, have stopped even living, as not giving life one’s all, is not living, but existing.

 

 

Yes, go ahead and do the math, but do the math for the right reasons and not because there is a chance that you might not succeed or you might get your heart broken.

 

 

Thank the Lord, we all started walking early, or else God alone knows, how many would venture to learn to walk, as learning to walk involves considerable amount of falling down.

 

 

There is nothing wrong in falling or failing... we all fall...we all have and will fail sometime or the other….we will have our hearts trampled and our teeth kicked in, metaphorically.

 

 

So what? Everybody cannot win in a race. There will be somebody who will come last too. I would rather lose in something I am passionate about then win in something that doesn’t light up my bulb. Giving one’s best is winning in its self too.

 

 

The only thing to be careful about is that if things don’t go as planned, don’t get crushed, don’t bicker, don’t indulge in hate, don’t abuse and get all negative, with God or your near ones or the world or those who are your detractors. Many people don’t like others succeeding as it is a constant reminder of their compromise with life and their dreams and passions.

 

 

If you can rise above the situation and failure with grace, then you have not fallen or failed, but actually risen spiritually far above what you possibly would and could have, if you hadn’t ventured to pursue your dream, and thus gone through the pain and agony.

 

 

Go ahead and give yourself and life a chance. And if you should tumble, it’s ok. Get up, dust your clothes and walk on. At least you won’t have to live with the perpetual heart burn of ‘what if I had just given it a try’.

 

 

Be Blessed.

 

 

The 3 Gs To Fulfilment

Everyone is chasing fulfilment, happiness and satisfaction. Some seek it in wealth, others in fitness and health, still others in relationships and a few in intellec tual pursuits. Yet nobody seems to have found any of these. The more you gain, the more unfulfilled you seem to feel.

The world has been designed perfectly to fulfil you. The best foods are available yet you stuff yourself with the worst. You are in the ideal environment to feel happy but you choose to be miserable. You have the best people around you, yet you psyche yourself into unhappiness. into unhappiness.

It is the mind that plays tricks with you, misleads you and, in the end, destroys you. Consult your intellect, strengthen it and be guided by it. Nourish your body with dedicated activity . Fill your heart with love. Strengthen the intel lect with knowledge. It is ignorance that creates the imaginary void. You do not need to seek fulfilment. You are already com pletely , utterly, totally fulfilled.

People seek fulfilment in three ways Goal, Glory and God. They set up limited, self ish, self-seeking goals and work incessantly to achieve these ends. As the Bhagwad Gita says, you are engaged in vain hopes, meaning less activity , shallow knowledge, and lack discrimination (chapter 9).

Expand your mind to accommodate the interests of a wider circle of people. Espouse a cause. Get inspired by a higher ideal. Then you will wake up every morning enthused to work.

When you work for a larger purpose it unlocks your potential, makes you creative and ener getic. Drudgery sets in with selfishness.

There are three types of people. Tamasika or lethargic people are just drifting in life with no aim or ideal. They function on whims and fancies of the mind. The rajasika or passionate type are driven by desire and act for a selfish end. They are stressed out and agitated, incapable of enjoying the fruits of their own labour. Only the sattvika one who sacrifice to a higher altar enjoy the world! People also seek glory , recognition and respect. This need emerges from a deep sense of inadequacy . You perhaps feel inferior to a sibling, spouse or colleague. Hence you depend on others to bolster you. This need is so intense that many glorify themselves! Others seek laurels and accolades from the world. Rare is the one who is so immersed in his own field of activity that he doesn't seek recognition from others. He is self-contained and self-sufficient.

The highest motivator is God.

Everyone feels the need to fall back on That which is beyond the world.

There are four types of seekers described in the Gita the wealthseekers, the distressed, the curious and the jnani, wise. Of these only the jnani is truly spiritual. The others are still extroverted, seeking God only for physical, emotional or intellectual pleasures.

y A jnani is acutely aware of his imprisona ment in the body , mind and intellect and is struggling for liberation. His focus is on the k goal of Enlightenment. Nothing in the world distracts him from that ideal. All the e heavenly wealth and enjoyments offered by a Yama did not deter Nachiketa from his goal u of realisation.

. The unintended side effect of spiritual s pursuit is immense prosperity and happi ness, power and enjoyment. So aspire for Enlightenment. The world will be at your a feet! 

The Hardest Spiritual Challenge

The word mercy can mean kindness or help given to people who are in a bad or desperate situation; or mercy is a good or lucky fact or situation; but most significantly, it is kind or forgiving treatment of someone deserving of harshness or punishment.

Extending mercy towards someone over whom we hold power, often someone who has hurt or harmed us, let us set aside normal questions and feelings of fairness, blame, justice, or revenge.

All traditions teach about the quality of mercy whether we choose to put the teaching into practice is entirely up to us as individuals, communities or societies. Mercy , it would appear being so enmeshed in the awful pain through which it needs to be offered is one of the hardest spiritual challenges, and we have hundreds if not thousands of `valid' reasons to prevent us from extending it.

I offer here a story from the Middle East shared by a Leba nese teller, when a group was discussing the true life story of Azim Khamisa, who not only forgave the shooter of his son, but who, with the young killer's grandfather, educates young people about non-violence, and who is working to rehabilitate the young man himself.

The traditional story tells of a sheikh who lived in a desert. One dark night he was sitting at the opening of his tent, unable to sleep, overcome with unbearable sadness; his eldest son had been killed a few days earlier. Suddenly , through the night, a stranger came running by and fell at the feet of the sheikh. “O Sheikh, save me. My enemies chase me to kill me. I am exhausted and cannot run any more. All men call you good. Let me stay in your tent for one night.“

The sheikh bid him enter, treating the stranger as his honoured guest. After eating and drinking, the man lay down to sleep.

Very early the next day , the sheikh gently woke the stranger, handing him a bag of gold. “Friend, i hope you slept well. The food has given you some strength, but you must flee before the sun rises. My best horse is readied for you.“

The stranger froze. His face reflected a struggle going on in his mind. Then suddenly he fell at the feet of the sheikh. “O good and noble sheikh! You saved my life; you offer me help. But i now need to tell you i'm the one who killed your son. I cannot go from here. You can kill me; i am ready for this.“

The sheikh was shocked. He sat down with his head in his hands.

Finally he drew out some more gold and gave it to the man, saying, “Here is enough gold to start a new life. Take this and go. I will not kill you. You have been noble enough to confess. How can i be less noble to refuse to forgive you? The thought of revenge had been burning in my mind. Go away and take this terrible feeling of vengeance away from me. Only then will my son rest in peace.

May God forgive us both you for murdering my son and me for keeping revenge and hate in my heart.“

To extend mercy is not easy . Yet without mercy , the world would be a harsher place.

When we think of the grace we have received of all of the times that we have, mercifully, not gotten what we deserved we might desire to extend the same gift to others. 

Get Rid Of That Guilty Feeling

                 Many of us find it easy to forgive others but find it impossible to forgive ourselves. Roman philosopher Cato admits this when he says, “I can pardon everybody's mistakes except my own.“ Yet learning to forgive yourself is one of the basic steps of cultivating the spirit of forgiveness for all. If you cannot forgive yourself, how will you forgive others?

                

                 Forgiving oneself is essential for self-acceptance. This does not mean that we give up our moral or ethical standards and justify all our actions. It only means that we learn to accept ourselves as we are, including our many shortcomings.

                 For some reason people persist in being harsh with themselves; they become inflexible and judgmental. I know a man who carried a lifelong sense of guilt because he could not become a doctor something that his parents wanted him to do. Many mothers refuse to forgive themselves when their children do not turn out right. Wives blame themselves when a marriage breaks down...it is strange, but our acceptance of ourselves seems to depend on others' acceptance of us! Self-criticism is healthy up to a point. But when it makes us ruthless, merciless jailors of our own conscience, it is time to let go of guilt feelings and make a fresh attempt at selfknowledge, self-acceptance and cultivation of self-worth.

                Reasons for which people refuse to forgive themselves may originate from a person's culture ,race, religion, gender or class. Our guilt may be due to personal standards that we have set for ourselves . Or, they may be due to ethical reasons for having done something that is wrong. Self-forgiveness does not imply con doning wrong behaviour. Nor does it mean that you do not feel repentance for your past actions. Accepting this repentance, feeling remorse is part of the healing process. But you must not let the remorse become a permanent burden. It is essential to overcome remorse and move on to face the future.

               In Dostoevsky's famous novel Crime And Punishment, the hero commits the heinous crime of murder. At first, he refuses to acknowledge his guilt, but is tortured by fear and insecurity. This leads to such intense self-loathing, that he confesses his crime and accepts his sentence 15 years of penal servitude in Siberia.

However, he is unable to forgive himself, until he accepts God's love and infinite mercy.

               Persistent guilt feelings even lead some people to contemplate suicide. They feel they do not deserve to live. But this is a oward's way out of the situation.

In the US, some courts give bold and nnovative `sentences' for criminals.

      They are made to do social work, or offer their services for the benefit of the less privileged. Such a sen tence has an extremely beneficial effect on their psyche, enabling them to grow in self-respect and self-worth. This is the starting point of acceptance and progress.

them escape from the conflict and It helps them escape from the conflict and turmoil that rages inside them and to learn to forgive themselves.

Many of us carry on our hearts, heavy loads of guilt which rob us of our peace of mind. No man is perfect. Every one of us has done some wrongs in the past, near or remote. We must repent and, if possible, make amends. We must pray for wisdom and strength not to repeat the wrong and then forget about it.

The moment that an individual accepts and forgives himself, is the moment of renewal, a new beginning.

What sanskaras do you wish to give your child?

Easier said and done but parents have a duty to pass on the right values to children. Do you have your list prepared?

Some years ago, at a PTA meeting , a school teacher mentioned the importance of passing on the right sanskaras to children. That set parents thinking and we all looked quizzically at each other. What sanskaras have we passed on to our children's? All of us felt we had done our best to inculcate the right values by example, but had never really thought of it in quite this way. The teachers statements had certainly set us thinking in that direction now. Are sansakars more than just "values”? What sanskaras would we really like to inculcate in children as they grow up and prepare to face the world on their own? Are the sanskaras on one family, community, religion or nation different from those of another?

Sanaskaras, to my mind are set of values, principles, and practices that we inherit from our family, culture, religion and the history of our nation. These are , in effect , the essence of all good that we have been taught or learnt from experience, passed down from one generation to another. Most sanskaras are transferred through examples, but it is also a parental duty to be conscious of what we are teaching our children and being able to furnish the right explanation for it. So what are the sanskaras you would like to pass on to your child? Here is my list:

Sense of integrity: Honesty should be the foundation of our life structure. Children should be taught the importance of being true to your own self as well as to others. A person who follows the dictates of his conscience is the one who can sleep peacefully and live peacefully.

Love and respect yourself: before you can learn to love and respect others, it is very important to be able to love and respect yourself. That can only come with acceptance of all that God and Nature have given you and being content with it. It can come with following the dictates of your inner voice. Never downgrade yourself, nor imagine yourself any lesser than another.

Being sensitive to others: Children must be told the importance of being sensitive o other peoples needs and feelings. Charity is an important virtue and comes from a heart that is warm, loving and accepting of all. In a book I am reading presently, The Tailor’s Needle by Lakshmi Raj Sharma, the father, Sir Saraswati Chandra tells his son Yogendra, “Be the tailor’s needle, which passes through every cloth without making distinction”. So the son makes it a point to treat everyone- native or foreigner, have or have not , fellow Hindu or religious other- with equal respect.

Fulfilling your potential: Winning is not always an option: it is far more important to know that you have done your best in whatever you do! To avoid wastage of effort and time, it is important to understand your inclinations and have a idea of the purpose of your life. I would add to this good grooming , always looking your best, keeping a fit and healthy body, articulating well and having social confidence. To quote  The Tailors Needle once again, “Among the social graces that Sir Saraswati taught his son, effective speaking and good listening were important. He wanted all his children to grow up into sensitive people.

Educated yourself: Arm yourself with knowledge, for knowledge is power. Children must be encouraged to acquire as much as learning as they can. Arming themselves with degrees is as important as increasing the scope of knowledge by reading further and trying to acquire knowledge in areas that interest them or are relevant to their field of work.

Act on your conviction: Children must be encouraged to be brave enough to strike out into the world rather than just be fence sitters. Be a doer, not just a participation in life.

Sense of fair play: It is important that children grow up with a sense of justice. In case they do something unfair, they must be encouraged t make amends. Standing up for what is right is equally important and the should be encouraged to take stands on behalf of those less privileged.

Making choices: Life offers plenty of options all the way through and much of the way we lead life is dependent on the choice we make. Children must be taught to think through options and use their faculties in the best manner before deciding on an option. They must also be taught to stick to their decisions but when the situation demands also be flexible and intelligent enough to change it.

Of course making a list of the values you wish to pass on to your children is far easier than helping them imbibe it, or even following it yourself . For most children resist learning and a child learns best by example. When they protest-as they will perhaps like Sir Saraswati, we too can say “They are not mere words:they contain human experience and wisdom!”

When you are old and gray…

I’m not sure what is scarier – never growing old or the slow withering away of faculties and strengths we take for granted in youth and middle age! When Shammi Kapoor passed away, people admired his never say die spirit and ability to keep learning and reinventing himself. Is that the key to a satisfying old age? If so, are we preparing for it, or allowing the years to develop us unawares, till one day it is too late.

What is it about age that scares you? And, are you doing anything to address those fears?? We received an overwhelming response to theses questions posted two weeks ago in O-Zone (Tumsa nahi dekha, Times Life, August 28). Almost all responses listed ill health and dependence as the biggest fears related to old age- especially losing one’s mental faculties or use of one’s legs. sight and hearing-followed by loneliness, unfinished business and not having anyone to talk to. What was heartening was that hardly anyone listed losing looks as a fear!

As a reader Pankaj Gupta puts it evocatively, “I am afraid of loneliness, of abandonment, of having a fridge full of food but no one to raid the kitchen, of watching children playing in a park but nobody coming back home with me, of acting busy when servants comes in, despite yearning for company. At a deeper level, I am afraid of dying without legacy. What scares Dharmista Sharma is “not being able to work, drive, eat heavy sweetened Ladoos, chai and Maggi….being dependent on anybody!”

Almost the many fears came suggestions too- exercise, meditation,yoga and daily walks to keep mind and body supple and strong. Harmesh Khana suggests a change in attitude towards old age to overcome fear! Nelofar Currimbhoy agrees, “wear your age with confidence and with style; if there is a twinkle in your wrinkles, you will shine!” Sulakshna Ratan advices, “one should periodically sit back and assess one’s life. Being rigid and stiff kills everything- relationships, course of life, achievements!”

Fear of age comes from fear of death, of life hurting towards its end. This sends us into panic mode, thinking of the undone vast. As our bodies become frail and minds forgetful, one is left with regrets and “what ifs”. Lessening of strength depresses and life seems to settle into a period of waiting for it to end. However , the problem is not in the natural progression, but in our attitude and resistance to it. Our twilight years could well be the best part of our lives, if only we determine to make them so.

The key really, as with all things, is awareness. Awareness of life, understanding all its nuances, enjoying every moments as we live. why can we not look old age as the period when we will have enough time for ourselves, to do all that we ever wanted to do- provide we can keep ourselves fit and healthy. Since self reliance so important to all of us, we need to do something now to retain independence of body, mind and spirit till the very end. Pursue a healthy life style and develop hobbies and creative pursuits like reading, writing, painting, singing which keeps you pleasantly and gainfully occupied in old age. Experts swear by mental ability games such as sudoku, kakuro, etc, to keep mind agile and working. Like Shammi Kapoor, it is important to keep learning new things and keeping oneself busy.

A pleasant relationship with your partner and a healthy interaction with friends keeps depression away. Being part of a club or group helps. A joint family system works best for those flexible enough to change with the times. It is important not to grow into cranky old men or women who impose their advice and diktat. A satisfying old age would be when you are loved and valued for yourself, for equalities that will endure into old age. An old person who constantly adds to his or her repertoire of knowledge and skills is definitely more attractive that one who sits back and counts his illness.

Leading the life hard way

Leading the life hard way

Believing in self is a golden ray

Finding myself far away

Time is letting me burn in the air

 I am leading the life hard way

 Thoughts of dreams have vanished in a while

 Where would I find my lost agile

Hopes of desire are croaking everyday

 I am leading the life hard way

 Love, affection, purity, perfection

All were my pal hitherto

 Why I have lost my secret Frey?

I am leading the life hard way

A decision of my own is hurting me inside

 Afraid I am for now what to decide

 Listen my lord what I have to say

I am leading the life hard way

 Lot of my share is still with you

Tell me thou, how would I grew

 Fighting the winter only for the May

I am leading the life hard way……..

Honesty And Diplomacy

We have always been taught that honesty is the best policy, and that to lie is a bad thing to do. As we grow older, we realise that in many situations it is a good idea to keep quiet or, better still, be diplomatic and tactfully handle sensitive issues. The line dividing honesty and diplomacy is a thin one. We have to be careful in deciding when to be honest and when to be at our diplomatic best. We also have to decide whether we should be absolutely candid, or use the truth as a matter of convenience.

    Our relationships demand complete honesty, or else, we get into trouble. In a household, for instance, the oldest member I  was quite diplomatic in commenting on the new cook’s unpalatable creations. Whatever he would cook, the cook would always be told that the food was ‘not bad’. I would avoid criticising the cook for the mediocre food he dished out. The situation worsened to a point when what was cooked was almost inedible. I could not take it anymore and screamed at the cook for serving such bad-tasting food. The cook was taken aback. From that day onwards, everything that I had diplomatically papered over started to show huge cracks. Daily fights and arguments became the order of the day and, one fine day, the cook simply left.

    Therefore, diplomacy or lack of honesty can lead to deterioration in our relationships. Before you decide to be totally frank, you must carefully analyse all consequences of your actions. While life needs a good mix of honesty and diplomacy, when to be honest and when to be diplomatic is a tough individual choice. Whatever we do must make us comfortable, peaceful and happy. An honest person will feel frustrated and restless when forced to be diplomatic against his will, while a diplomatic one will get highly stressed at the thought of speaking the plain truth. How to react in a situation also depends on what is at stake. If you want to be honest and speak your mind against your boss, you better be prepared to lose your job. If you tell your friend what you hate about him, it might end your friendship. Once you are ready to accept the consequences without regret or remorse, then you can be honest.

    Why do we become diplomatic when we know the obvious truth? Diplomacy is always an escape hatch that we use to avoid hurting others and ourselves. When the boy asks his girlfriend: “Am i looking fat?” and the girl answers honestly, “Yes, you have put on too much weight,” one can well imagine her boyfriend’s reactions. But if the girl speaks her mind and faces her boyfriend’s wrath out of genuine affection for him, it is likely that he will take the issue of weight control seriously. Diplomacy protects us in the short term, but it is honesty that brings long-term benefits and permanent gains.

    To be completely honest, you must ask yourself, “Why am i afraid of speaking the truth?’’ Diplomacy is for our self-protection and self-preservation. Our egos are too fragile to accept insult and criticism. Few of us would want to rock the boat by speaking the truth at work or home. We like to avoid confrontations. Honesty and diplomacy, however, are not mutually exclusive. It takes tact and courage to speak the truth at the right time in the right manner, without being abrasive.

Wheel Of Joys And Sorrows

 The Taoists speak of 10,000 sorrows and 10,000 joys, with the joys turning to sorrows and sorrows turning to joys without breaking a sweat. In fact, Buddhists talk of four sets of contrasting conditions that most of us will go through at various times in our lifetime, namely, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and pain, and fame and disrepute, a set called ‘Dhammas’. The response called for in these events, even according to our scriptures, is a balanced one, because we must be able to see their insubstantiality, impermanence and tangible nature.

    Leo Tolstoy said in War and Peace that “pure and complete sorrow is as impossible as pure and complete joy”. The more we get attached with our successes and the more we gloat in their palliative warmth, the worse will be the retribution when we fail. William Wordsworth in Resolution and Independence said, “As high as we have mounted in delight, in our dejection do we sink as low.”

    When the Indian cricket team won the World Cup this year, there was an overwhelming outpouring of national joy and enthusiasm. During all the hype and celebration, few would have remembered the retribution and stone-throwing that cricketers faced after their losing a game in 2007. It, therefore, behoves the players, authorities and the public to take victory in its stride and though they may enjoy and savour the moment, they should not build sandcastles so high today that they find themselves in the adjoining trenches of their own doing tomorrow. Moments of joy will breed an equal and opposite reaction of sorrow in times to come and more often than not sorrow creeps up on one like a bad habit, sooner than one would expect.

    As a society, are we mature enough to handle happiness? The way we react to disaster, tragedies and miseries in life is much more measured than our response to happiness, as was demonstrated by our much calmer, cool, calculated and measured response to tsunamis, earthquakes and other disasters; but it appears that such is not the case with happiness. Osho said, “But when happiness comes, it is as if the heavens are open for you and it is raining cats and dogs, and your small hut is just in a flood…all boundaries are lost. It is maddening.”

    The extreme reaction to art and culture is also a reflection of the same mindset, and the intolerance that abounds also comes from a similar attitude. It, therefore, is important that we do not go overboard but treat victory in the right spirit.

    To remain unmoved by achievement and failure is a sign of balance and stability. The most significant aspect of progressing on the spiritual path is maintaining equanimity, a term which is central to every religious theme in the world. In Buddhism, we call it Upeksha; in Patanjali’s Yogasutra it is mentioned as one of the four sublime attitudes; in Judaism as Menuhat Ha-Nefesh or Yashuv HaHa Ha-Da’at. In Christianity, Islam and in Hinduism, there is talk of equanimity of response as being necessary for upward evolution and graduation to a higher form. “Equanimity is not a dry neutrality or cool aloofness, but mature equanimity produces a radiance and warmth of being.”

    So let us learn to be equanimous in both our achievements and failures,

Two Ways To Activate Memory

What is memory? Memory or smriti is recreation of things already perceived by the mind. For instance, a person may not always recollect what he ate the previous day, but if he thinks hard, the items that were eaten will flash in the mind. Daily, we are constantly recollecting things perceived in the past.

    How does one activate memory? There are two ways: internal and external. The internal way is to revive the undistorted image of perceived incidents in the nerve cells. Perception in the primary stage is registered in the unit mind through the nerve cells, and the vibrations of those perceptions remain embedded in the nerve cells. Some cells carry vibrations of knowledge, others the vibrations of action. Microcosms with brains do not have much difficulty in creating ideas at the psychic level carried through inferences because the vibrations in the nerve cells remain undistorted for quite some time.

    If the external factors necessary for the revival of memory remain undisturbed for some time, one can more easily recreate events already perceived. But, after a lapse of much time, when the external factors necessary for the recreation of that image change drastically, it becomes difficult for the brain to remember the details of the event. At this stage, to recollect the image, one has to penetrate the chitta of the unit mind. Of course, once an incident is recollected, its impression remains understood for some time before it finally disappears.

    Thus the brain is nothing more than a worldly machine for mental recollection. Its various parts assist the mind in various ways. But the permanent abode of memory is the chitta. So, even though an impression has faded from the nerve cells, the mind can recreate the impression by its own power. When the brain assists in the recollection of any event or fact it is called “cerebral memory”.

    The human mind has three stages: crude, subtle and causal. There are also three states in human existence: wakeful, dream and sleep. The crude mind remains active during the wakeful state and the causal mind remains active during sleep. The causal mind is the repository of infinite knowledge. Whatever samskaras we recreate in the wakeful and dream states remain stored in the causal mind. When the causal mind sleeps we call it “death”. After death the disembodied mind floats in the vast space with its unexpressed samskaras. Later on, with the cooperation of the mutative principle, the disembodied mind finds a suitable physical base. The memory of its past life remains awake for approximately the first five years of its new life. Although the child remains in a new physical environment, mentally it continues to live the joys and sorrows of its previous life. That is why children sometimes laugh and cry in their sleep.

    To re-experience past events one does not need the cooperation of the old brain. The newly-born mind has not yet had time to build a close relationship with the new brain. The revival of experiences of past lives is what we call “extra-cerebral memory”, and is principally the task of the causal mind. Through sadhana human beings attain a certain degree of control over the relative factors. After a long journey of hundreds of years one begins to visualise the samskaras of one’s past lives. He will intensify his spiritual practice and advance rapidly towards Parama Purusha.

No Escaping The Big Boss

 When the rich and famous are caught cheating, the common man feels good. He feels, at last justice has prevailed. Riches bring a feeling of resentment in others unless they are available to all. The rich might flaunt their wealth. However, if we are true to our pure nature, our instinct would be to share it with others. This is selfless action. Selfish actions are condemned by all whether they are well versed in scriptures or not. It comes from loving all, arising from the feeling of devotion and the realisation that the world is an illusion and nothing is mine.
    A guru asked two disciples to kill two pigeons where none could witness their act. One disciple went to the forest and wrung the bird’s neck and came cheerfully to the guru but the second disciple explored the whole forest, the village, nearby hills and river and came back tired saying that wherever he went he saw two eyes of the pigeon staring at him. “Those frightened eyes followed me everywhere, looking at my actions. You had said that no one should witness the killing but even when i closed its eyes, they appeared in the sun, clouds, sky, moon, water, hills, trees, birds. There was not a space where those eyes did not follow me. I could not kill it.”
    There is no escape from Nature. All its elements witness our actions and thoughts. That is why sages called them devatas. All Vedic samskaras are held in the presence of Nature’s elements whether it is marriage, funeral or worship. Natural forcesregulate the outside and the inside; devatas rule all our organs. No thought or action goes unnoticed. However, we can appeal for mercy, just as a convicted prisoner appeals to the president. For, isn’t life, too, one big jail where we are prisoners of our own thought, action and deed?
    Chanting God’s name, accepting teachings of scriptures, becoming selfless, loving God and His creation, accepting all that comes our way calmly and realising that the world is an illusion, are ways of appealing. Seeing our changed behaviour, the compassionate One reduces our suffering and we soon find that our outlook has changed and our difficulties seem so tiny.
    A saint regularly visited the local jail to help inmates understand the goal of life, mystery of God and His ways. One day the jailor took him to a miserable inmate who kept saying how unjust God was. Someone had looted and murdered a village merchant with whom he was not on good terms. But since people had seen this man (the one convicted of the crime) with the victim, he was assumed to be the murderer. Due to circumstantial evidence, he was given life imprisonment.
The saint met the jailor, lawyer, neighbours and relatives of the convict and saw that everything pointed towards him. Puzzled, the saint started spending more time with the inmate. One day the inmate began recalling his earlier life in which he had caused the death of a man but escaped punishment as it was deemed to be a case of suicide. Wondered the saint: Was this man paying in this life for his past actions? Is there no escape from God’s watchful eyes?
    It is a difficult question to answer. However, it is beneficial to perform only such actions as are deemed to be positive – and that do not hurt another – whether one is being watched by God or not.

Daily ways to NIRVANA

           There may be no easy route to success. Yet, everyday life offers us a hundred different chances to attain a higher level of consciousness. At home ,in office and else where are plenty of opportunities to empathize ,forgive & evolve.

           Take those who are rude & mean or nasty towards you. There are two choices facing a person who has to deal with malice, jealousy and bickering, daily. You can either respond in the same manner as your antagonist does ,or take the opportunity to rise above him.

         "You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger," said the Buddha.

The Buddhist Bodhidharma texts classify jealousy as part of hostility. They define it as " a disturbing emotion that focuses on other peoples accomplishments and is the inability to bear their accomplishments."

           It’s a fact of life that those who harness others are quite miserable themselves. They are blinded by rage, jealousy & resentment & knowingly walk into the abyss of self-destruction.

          Buddhist monk Mittavinda harassed another 'perfect' monk and had to repent for 1000 lifetimes, thereby acquiring 'The Curse of Mittavinda'. The Jataka Tales narrate how this monk ,once happy with his simple village life, did not realize how lucky he was and let jealousy consume him ,literally.

         When Christ said, "Father, forgive them ,for they, know not what they do," he meant that the cross of forgiveness and magnanimity had to be carried by the humbler, more evolved person. He meant that although the easy way out was to react, the humane approach was to rein in your response.

        For, in the end, the wheels of life come a full circle & teach us all the lessons that we need to learn, in this life & in the next. These immortal lines from Magna est  VERITAS put it well: "for want of me, the worlds course will not fail; when all its work is done, the lie shall prevail, when none cares whether it prevails or not."

Be Good To Be Good

                    Last Sunday ,I read all over again all the interesting SMSes that I had received over the last 1 year.

And lived for some time in a world far removed from the reality of the present. If I was thrilled to read some of them ,there were others that reminded  me how cruel the world we live in is. And yet some others reminded me of some great virtues of life ,which ,if applied in life ,could make our existence on this planet much more meaningful & enjoyable.

                     One of them was this: God asked a young girl ,"What is forgiveness?"  The girl replied ,"It’s the wonderful fragrance given to us by a flower when crushed. Or the lasting auspicious color those mehendi leaves give us when  ground to pulp."

                     It is difficult to be a Gandhi or a Christ & follow them. But it is not impossible. One who understands the nature of life & its ultimate aim can very well see reasons good enough to be a Gandhi or a Christ. And if you deliberate on the pros & cons of forgiveness, you will realize  that your victory lies in showing the other cheek.

                       I m a fan of Robert Browning . He is one who give you gems of lessons for living a good & a purposeful life . Reflect on these words," It's good to forgive ,best to forget". By forgiving someone who has wronged  you or harmed you, you rise to the level of gods. That is why Peter Von Winter, the great German opera composer, had said," It is mankind to punish, but godlike to forgive".

                       The best and the most sublime enjoyment of life can be only tasted after forgiving your enemy. You will realize that you have not done anything good to your enemy but to yourself because, as Winston Churchill said, nothing is more costly, nothing more sterile than vengeance. One has to be necessarily kind & loving because only kindness gives birth to kindness. Remember this truth that you cant be good until you are good to others!