Forgiveness : way to happiness.

Hurt is in the normal flow of life. Events, circumstances, and behaviours are its cause. In normal human interactions, there are times when we get hurt and there are times when we cause hurt. To hurt and be hurt is human. Hurt is the pain of life. The grief of life.

Our actions in this world have motivations. These motivations carry the baggage of expectations. It is these expectations that are the cause of pain, the cause of sorry, the cause of hurt and grief. We expect to receive something. When we do not get it, we feel hurt.Sometimes we are the recipient of hurt. Sometimes we are the cause of hurt caused to others. The more hurt we cause to others, the more we will be punished with hurt in the future. This is karma. This is justice.Sometimes it is in the depth of emotional hurt that we find our true ourselves. We find the people who really matter. We find the values that matter. Deep pain causes melancholy and leads to a reflective state. We reach within our depths to find a solution to our suffering. There are two types of possible reactions to hurt. Two possible solutions. The first solution permanently solves the pain and suffering. The second solution leads to a further increase of the problem.

The first solution or reaction is called forgiveness. The second possible reaction is called revenge.

When we forgive and ask for forgiveness, we broaden our humanity. Our hurt melts in the breadth of our forgiveness. When we forgive, we elevate our spirituality. We rise above the cause. The cause seems to small. We suddenly our standing like a giant with our forgiveness. There is a precondition to be able to act in this grand way. First, we have to drop our pride and ego. Once we can do that with ease, forgiveness comes easy. Hurt becomes only a distant memory.

But there is a second way of reaction to hurt, a reaction which is more popularly practised, termed as revenge. When we are hurt, we suddenly realise that our pride and high status must be defended and protected. We become protectors of our pride. We build a fabled wall of invincibility around us. We try to live upto our invincible image. The protection of pride and ego is the chief reason why people resort to revenge. Revenge is a losing game. Your hurt will only increase. The more the revenge, the more the hurt. You will be pulled into a destructive, emotional whirlpool. Beware !

I have analysed hurt, the cause of hurt, and the possible solutions. This simple analysis has depth of meaning and wisdom. In its practise lies the keys of happiness.

The Hardest Spiritual Challenge

The word mercy can mean kindness or help given to people who are in a bad or desperate situation; or mercy is a good or lucky fact or situation; but most significantly, it is kind or forgiving treatment of someone deserving of harshness or punishment.

Extending mercy towards someone over whom we hold power, often someone who has hurt or harmed us, let us set aside normal questions and feelings of fairness, blame, justice, or revenge.

All traditions teach about the quality of mercy whether we choose to put the teaching into practice is entirely up to us as individuals, communities or societies. Mercy , it would appear being so enmeshed in the awful pain through which it needs to be offered is one of the hardest spiritual challenges, and we have hundreds if not thousands of `valid' reasons to prevent us from extending it.

I offer here a story from the Middle East shared by a Leba nese teller, when a group was discussing the true life story of Azim Khamisa, who not only forgave the shooter of his son, but who, with the young killer's grandfather, educates young people about non-violence, and who is working to rehabilitate the young man himself.

The traditional story tells of a sheikh who lived in a desert. One dark night he was sitting at the opening of his tent, unable to sleep, overcome with unbearable sadness; his eldest son had been killed a few days earlier. Suddenly , through the night, a stranger came running by and fell at the feet of the sheikh. “O Sheikh, save me. My enemies chase me to kill me. I am exhausted and cannot run any more. All men call you good. Let me stay in your tent for one night.“

The sheikh bid him enter, treating the stranger as his honoured guest. After eating and drinking, the man lay down to sleep.

Very early the next day , the sheikh gently woke the stranger, handing him a bag of gold. “Friend, i hope you slept well. The food has given you some strength, but you must flee before the sun rises. My best horse is readied for you.“

The stranger froze. His face reflected a struggle going on in his mind. Then suddenly he fell at the feet of the sheikh. “O good and noble sheikh! You saved my life; you offer me help. But i now need to tell you i'm the one who killed your son. I cannot go from here. You can kill me; i am ready for this.“

The sheikh was shocked. He sat down with his head in his hands.

Finally he drew out some more gold and gave it to the man, saying, “Here is enough gold to start a new life. Take this and go. I will not kill you. You have been noble enough to confess. How can i be less noble to refuse to forgive you? The thought of revenge had been burning in my mind. Go away and take this terrible feeling of vengeance away from me. Only then will my son rest in peace.

May God forgive us both you for murdering my son and me for keeping revenge and hate in my heart.“

To extend mercy is not easy . Yet without mercy , the world would be a harsher place.

When we think of the grace we have received of all of the times that we have, mercifully, not gotten what we deserved we might desire to extend the same gift to others.