Forgiveness : way to happiness.

Hurt is in the normal flow of life. Events, circumstances, and behaviours are its cause. In normal human interactions, there are times when we get hurt and there are times when we cause hurt. To hurt and be hurt is human. Hurt is the pain of life. The grief of life.

Our actions in this world have motivations. These motivations carry the baggage of expectations. It is these expectations that are the cause of pain, the cause of sorry, the cause of hurt and grief. We expect to receive something. When we do not get it, we feel hurt.Sometimes we are the recipient of hurt. Sometimes we are the cause of hurt caused to others. The more hurt we cause to others, the more we will be punished with hurt in the future. This is karma. This is justice.Sometimes it is in the depth of emotional hurt that we find our true ourselves. We find the people who really matter. We find the values that matter. Deep pain causes melancholy and leads to a reflective state. We reach within our depths to find a solution to our suffering. There are two types of possible reactions to hurt. Two possible solutions. The first solution permanently solves the pain and suffering. The second solution leads to a further increase of the problem.

The first solution or reaction is called forgiveness. The second possible reaction is called revenge.

When we forgive and ask for forgiveness, we broaden our humanity. Our hurt melts in the breadth of our forgiveness. When we forgive, we elevate our spirituality. We rise above the cause. The cause seems to small. We suddenly our standing like a giant with our forgiveness. There is a precondition to be able to act in this grand way. First, we have to drop our pride and ego. Once we can do that with ease, forgiveness comes easy. Hurt becomes only a distant memory.

But there is a second way of reaction to hurt, a reaction which is more popularly practised, termed as revenge. When we are hurt, we suddenly realise that our pride and high status must be defended and protected. We become protectors of our pride. We build a fabled wall of invincibility around us. We try to live upto our invincible image. The protection of pride and ego is the chief reason why people resort to revenge. Revenge is a losing game. Your hurt will only increase. The more the revenge, the more the hurt. You will be pulled into a destructive, emotional whirlpool. Beware !

I have analysed hurt, the cause of hurt, and the possible solutions. This simple analysis has depth of meaning and wisdom. In its practise lies the keys of happiness.

Get Rid Of That Guilty Feeling

                 Many of us find it easy to forgive others but find it impossible to forgive ourselves. Roman philosopher Cato admits this when he says, “I can pardon everybody's mistakes except my own.“ Yet learning to forgive yourself is one of the basic steps of cultivating the spirit of forgiveness for all. If you cannot forgive yourself, how will you forgive others?

                

                 Forgiving oneself is essential for self-acceptance. This does not mean that we give up our moral or ethical standards and justify all our actions. It only means that we learn to accept ourselves as we are, including our many shortcomings.

                 For some reason people persist in being harsh with themselves; they become inflexible and judgmental. I know a man who carried a lifelong sense of guilt because he could not become a doctor something that his parents wanted him to do. Many mothers refuse to forgive themselves when their children do not turn out right. Wives blame themselves when a marriage breaks down...it is strange, but our acceptance of ourselves seems to depend on others' acceptance of us! Self-criticism is healthy up to a point. But when it makes us ruthless, merciless jailors of our own conscience, it is time to let go of guilt feelings and make a fresh attempt at selfknowledge, self-acceptance and cultivation of self-worth.

                Reasons for which people refuse to forgive themselves may originate from a person's culture ,race, religion, gender or class. Our guilt may be due to personal standards that we have set for ourselves . Or, they may be due to ethical reasons for having done something that is wrong. Self-forgiveness does not imply con doning wrong behaviour. Nor does it mean that you do not feel repentance for your past actions. Accepting this repentance, feeling remorse is part of the healing process. But you must not let the remorse become a permanent burden. It is essential to overcome remorse and move on to face the future.

               In Dostoevsky's famous novel Crime And Punishment, the hero commits the heinous crime of murder. At first, he refuses to acknowledge his guilt, but is tortured by fear and insecurity. This leads to such intense self-loathing, that he confesses his crime and accepts his sentence 15 years of penal servitude in Siberia.

However, he is unable to forgive himself, until he accepts God's love and infinite mercy.

               Persistent guilt feelings even lead some people to contemplate suicide. They feel they do not deserve to live. But this is a oward's way out of the situation.

In the US, some courts give bold and nnovative `sentences' for criminals.

      They are made to do social work, or offer their services for the benefit of the less privileged. Such a sen tence has an extremely beneficial effect on their psyche, enabling them to grow in self-respect and self-worth. This is the starting point of acceptance and progress.

them escape from the conflict and It helps them escape from the conflict and turmoil that rages inside them and to learn to forgive themselves.

Many of us carry on our hearts, heavy loads of guilt which rob us of our peace of mind. No man is perfect. Every one of us has done some wrongs in the past, near or remote. We must repent and, if possible, make amends. We must pray for wisdom and strength not to repeat the wrong and then forget about it.

The moment that an individual accepts and forgives himself, is the moment of renewal, a new beginning.